“Cocktail Condoms” and the Bartending STD’s

I usually don’t discuss mainstream news coverage on bars and cocktails, but I just couldn’t resist this and have been wanting to talk devote some time to educating my readers about the threats of Bartender STD’s. Apparently, a guy in Boston has created a laytex-type layer to cover your drink. People who use what is being called the “cocktail condom” can seemingly leave their drink unattended and return to the drink later; if the latex layer has been punctured, then it is obvious that the cocktail has been tampered with an shouldn’t be consumed. The condoms can tolerate being punctured by a straw while still retaining its form and keeping date rape drugs out. The inventor wants cities to pass ordinances requiring the condom and argues that beer and liquor companies could even advertise on them, cutting any costs for the bars.

Americans using condoms?

Our nation’s failure to utilize the condom effectively currently is certain to doom the prospects of this invention from the start, but other issues show that this concept is extremely flawed. Some critics are dead on when suggesting that this effectively turns my cocktail into a kiddie cup. Why don’t I just bring in a freaking thermos and a fruit rollup? I can’t imagine my Martini with a lid on it, though one wonders whether it would help keep the drink cold. Either way, I’m not drinking my Martini out of a straw. And, I know that to appreciate the complexity of a Miller Lite I need to sip it through a thin, elongated cylinder of plastic – that its what the guys at the World Beer Cup, did when they gave Miller Lite those four banners I see on television ads everday did right? Either way, I just don’t feel comfortable with the straw (or the beer).

We don’t need condoms for our drinks, only our beds! Be careful with your drinks and stay away from bars where there are too many people to keep up with. Doing this will not only prevent you from being a victim, it will also help you to find better bars and superior drinks. Further, these cocktails condom may keep the drugs away, but the STD’s of bartending (Sweet, Terrible, Drinks) will still get through. Here are few known cases –

“Cocktail Warts” – These wartlike projections found rimming cocktail glasses are usually caused by drink rimmers which have not been washed in months. Salty clumps form from the ongoing combination of salt and Roses lime juice, which find their way onto your glass. Instead of providing a cocktail garnish, these cocktail warts carry mold and an ungodly unnatural combination of salt and sugar.

“Gonorrhea” – Pronounced “goner-er-ria”, this bartending plague known as shots is “gone” in a matter of seconds, but it will likely reappear over the next few hours. Symptoms include excessive vomiting and strong headaches.

“PUBic Lice” – This parasite of pubs everywhere results from excessive fruit flies, or crabs which love the taste of alcohol as much as we do. They find their ways into bottles and flow into your drink. Frequently, unnoticed, they are harmful but when found symptoms of disgust and selective protein consumtionitis result.

“The Clap” – For whatever reason, bartenders across the world seem to think that consumers love their hands all over their ice and glass rims. I know I enjoy my Old Fashioneds with muddle fingernail grit, but that should be optional. Instead, numerous diseases are transferred by the clap in an effort to pack glasses with ice. This disease is the most prevalent and dangerous of all bartender STD’s.

If you want to avoid the Bartender STD’s, you don’t need a cocktail condom; you just need a good knowledge of quality bartending practices. Keep reading this blog for more information on how to avoid the terrible consequences of infected bartenders. For additional information, be sure to check out the blogs listed to your right. Specifically, Jeffery Morgenthaler’s blog has some of the best bartender commentary on the net. I’m pretty sure he’s clean, so you can trust him for more information. Failing to find good bars can put you at risk for these drugs and types of situation. Relying on the cocktail condom only puts you at greater risk.

Fundamentally, the biggest problem with the cocktail condom is that it doesn’t even work. This might make me sound like I’ve thought of ways to bypass the condom too much, but it really is kind of obvious. Let’s pretend, I am Mr. Rapist, and I want to drug the girl turning 21 because she has already had too many drinks to let me engage her with conversation, something that otherwise would never happen. She needs to go to the restroom and summons enough courage to put on a cocktail condom in front of me. After acting insulted, I simply order another drink drop the roofie and put on another cocktail condom, that the bar must legally provide (so they all look the same). If anything, the cocktail condom helps my rapist endeavors and lulls my victims into a false sense of security. The girl comes back sees my planted Vodka Red Bull concoction with an intact condom and consumes the drink. Aside from experiencing the horrible consequences of choosing this drink in the first place (check out Darcy’ post on Vodka Red Bull at The Art of Drink), the girl has made a terrible mistake. The cocktail condom fails, and like any condom that fails, pregnancy and disease may result.

While this post has included some humor, rape is a very serious issue that needs social attention and safety proposals, but considering actions like making the cocktail condom mandatory in all bars is not the answer. Universities and bars nationwide need to invest more money into educating students, especially women, about the dangers and prevalence of date rape drugs. If education seems hopeless and you still want bars to carry date rape prevention products, consider a date rape prevention coaster. These coasters allow individuals to place a small drip of their beverage on the coaster. The coaster chemically reacts to substances found in common date rape drugs and changes colors; simple and effective. Coasters or condoms? You take your pick; just watch out for the clap! I can’t shake mine it shows up wherever I go.

Photo & Additional Information Sources:
ABC NEWS & The Pitt News