Anvil Bar & Refuge - Poison Girl Classic American Cocktail Gathering

There are five American whiskey cocktails that you must try at least once in your lifetime. And no, making any of them with spoiled vermouth or ordering them out of boredom while you endure a layover at O’Hare does not count. These landmarks in cocktail history deserve good brands, bartenders, and bars. In this spirit, Anvil Bar & Refuge and Poison Girl invite you to enjoy these cocktails this upcoming Thursday, December 18th, from 6:00-9:00. The entire Anvil staff will be slinging drinks at Poison Girl, and we hope to see everyone for a preview of Anvil style-bartending armed with Houston’s best whiskey selection. Read more

The Expansion of the Cocktail

Someone asked me today how my trip to New Orleans went. After describing the hazy evenings and all of the wonderful people I met, I faced the same question that seems to be reoccurring in all my conversations about Tales – “So what’s the cool new thing in cocktails?” Now admittedly, I missed the seminar put on by Camper English that directly addressed this issue, but I must say that the one of the most encouraging aspects of Tales was the lack of any singular trend or ideology. The cocktail is alive, and it is growing in many different directions that I feel like being a part of the evolution now is as exciting as ever. Taking all this in over the past week, I wanted to write a reflective post about Tales after a few days of absorption. After working behind the bar again for almost a week, I must say that despite my period of sobriety, there really is no firm theme about the cocktails at Tales, and I think that is a theme itself. There has never been a time with more diversity and quality in cocktails.

I keep coming back to four major categories of cocktails were primarily discussed at Tales this year in my opinion as a way to make a decision about what drink to focus on next. I think that noting these different categories, while reflecting on the event is valuable in that it makes me think about how closely these categories mirror movements in bars and literature across the globe. Paying attention to each genre of cocktails, especially for those of us in the industry, is a great way to improve drinks of all types.

Molecular Mixology

I attended the molecular mixology seminar at Tales with what seemed like half of the conference to listen to take in the wisdom of Jamie Boudreau, Eben Freeman, and others. I think most of us sought out this event hoping to learn more about molecular mixology methodology, but the setting and equipment didn’t really lend the presentation to this approach. What did occur however was a healthy discussion about the role of molecular mixology in the cocktail community. It seemed at times that some of the speakers were somewhat defensive about molecular mixology and its predictable longevity.

This rhetoric might suggest that molecular mixology is losing some of the glamour and intrigue it once had. I’m not sure this is the case, but the declining popularity of molecular gastronomy might convince some that this is happening in mixology as well. This is unfortunate because we shouldn’t consider molecular mixology or any cocktail or culinary movement, especially those that focus on methods, as anything but a different methodological perspective. Molecular mixology is simply a method that delivers flavor, even if the medium is less than traditional. I hope that through events like Tales, exposure to this type of mixology encourages others to experiment with alternative cocktails and molecular mixology becomes more mainstream.

Classic Cocktails

For a variety of debatable reasons, at some point in history, America and much of the world became disinterested in the cocktail. This allowed flavorless cocktail, like the notorious “vodka martini”, to become mainstays, and the classic cocktail suffered the most. Fortunately, events like Tales, and those who frequent it, have done so much that the classic cocktail in some cities has become the hp, new cocktail again. When was the last time someone referred to the Aviation as trendy? I actually heard this the other day!

The host city of Tales certainly lends itself to discussing the classics as so many of them originated in New Orleans. If you’re interested in New Orleans classics, or any others for that matter, it’s hard to find a larger character or someone more knowledgeable than Chris McMillon. His session on New Orleans cocktails stood as a pillar for discussing the classics amid countless events. The regeneration of so many classic ingredients, such as absinthe, means that the value of understanding the classic cocktail will continue to increase.

Tiki Drinks

No single specific category has grown more among the cocktail scene over the last year than Tiki drinks. This growth is inspired by notable experts such as Jeff Berry, great cocktail blogs focusing on the subject, Tiki bars, and above all, a more mainstream appeal of the Tiki cocktail. Amid all of the refinement the cocktail endured over the past decade, elements that can be perceived as pretentious or uppity have become part of making quality cocktails. There’s really nothing that can done about it, as this is a direct result of the opposing nature of the quality cocktail to the popularity of trendy liqueurs, such as apple pucker.

But, this does mean that cocktails that maintain higher standards, while being perceived as down to earth, create more pathways for people to accept well-constructed cocktails without feeling as though the drink is “too fancy”. Tiki cocktails accomplish this through the inclusion of a culture that is anything but overly formal. Their very existence stresses, “Chill out; drink out a skull.” Consequently, the role of tiki drinks at Tales seemed to fill a similar need for relaxation. While tiki drinks often get overlooked in bars that don’t specifically focus on them, I think it is important for all bars to note the growth of the tiki cocktail and the important role it plays in our community.

Modern Cocktails

Each of the previous categories had a genre that would easily identify specific cocktails, but the modern category is a bit broader. In this case, I am referring to cocktails that use quality spirits, fresh ingredients, and innovative flavor combinations and methods. There are so many great cocktails being served across the globe every day that it is nice to come to Tales and get exposure to so many different original creations. Tales serves an important role of documenting these drinks and sharing them with others. Today, we rely on certain literary gems, like the Savoy Cocktail Book, to help up find the drinks of the past. Without the documentation of books like these, so many wonderful drinks would have been lost to time.

Tales does such a great job of providing a stage for the country’s great mixologists, and with so many exciting changes happening everywhere, I think it is vitally important that we take a moment to document some of the recipes that are continuing to push the cocktail forward. Among so many that come to mind, Audrey Saunders really stood out to me at Tales because of her attention to detail, specifically demonstrated at the aromatics seminar. Her precision and pursuit of perfection are models that all of us trying to create cocktails should model ourselves after. And, that is really what the exposure to modern cocktails provides – inspiration and encouragement.

I had a blast at Tales of the Cocktail this year, and I really just wanted to take a moment to reflect on everything that I learned and, well, drank. I can’t wait until next year, and I hope that we can further define more aspects of the cocktail community that may have been less obvious this year. The success of the cocktail revolution relies chiefly on the ability of enthusiasts and professionals to continue to find different sources and methods for drink construction. We might all have our favorite type of cocktail, but we need to be supportive and understand the value of each in making the cocktail more progressive.

The Bartender’s Life

I just want to take a moment to clarify what it is actually like to be a bartender. I can’t tell you how many times people tell me every week that being a bartender has some how made me some sort of jigalo that people tip tremendously because I pass drinks across a counter. To be honest, I am kind of sick of this and other stereotypes involving my chosen career. For the record, I am not an uneducated college dropout. I enjoy my job, and I choose to keep working behind a bar because I like the profession. The only reason I can’t work at a desk all day is because I couldn’t stand it. And, I’ve been dating the same wonderful girl for over five years. So forgive me for a moment, while I correct the misconceptions of some of tonight’s bar guests and countless others who continue to assume too much about a profession they don’t understand. If you’ve ever wondered what it is like to be a bartender professionally; here you go…

I think people make a ton of assumptions about bartenders because our jobs are seemingly visible. We work in front of an audience seated at the bar, and people observe what they think is someone getting paid to work at some sort of party every night. This is the story I usually get from Joe, a regular guy disappointed with his life choices, resulting career, and recent divorce:

“I bet people come from miles to try your Original Cocktail #975649. You probably make great money too because every person in this country wants to forego their IRA in this period of economic decline and drop you a picture of Benjamin Franklin. I bet all kinds of beautiful women from foreign lands find your magical drinks irresistible, and, long after abandoning any inhibitions, they wait for everyone to leave and seduce you right there on the bar top. They probably then take you home, and treat you like a king…with their roomates. Man, every night must be like this, and another group of these beauties will appear at dusk, unaware of your skill as a mixologist, but drawn in by some rumor of a mysterious love potion. You’re going to be famous; your recipe will be in all kinds of books and you can go on TV whenever you want. Why did I go to school when you’re here doing this? You could open a bar where only Original Cocktail #975649’s are served, and you do this until you retire. At which point, you will still make this drink in your house and people will still come over and tip you. Hey, that’s probably why you don’t need a retirement package right? I wish I could do all this and only work weekends. Maybe I should quit my day job.”

I can’t tell you how many times people have told me how lucky I am to be bartending and described the scenario above. It is ridiculous. Let’s put some accurate information about our profession out there for a change. To begin, nobody ever creates a drink that everyone likes. Women that wait for bartenders don’t result in an orgy with friends; they give herpes. I work more hours than 99% of the working population. Bartenders don’t generally make a ton of money, but if you put a few years in you can make just as much as your everyday suit. I can’t tell you how many bartenders I know who have a more extensive education than most, though we don’t use it to compare ourselves to others or justify preconceptions about others in alternative professions.

If you’re a bartender, your night usually ends in the following ways. Generally, you’re tired after a long, busy shift. The base of each of your pant legs is soaking wet from the water that finds its way on every back bar floor. You smell like beer, not because you spilled any on yourself, but simply because like any industrial job, you dealt with beer all night and it now permeates your clothing. You spend at least an hour after the last guest leaves trying to clean everything and reconcile the night’s deposit. Sure, you might have made some cash, but depending on how your bar distributes tips, you now have to tuck the money into your back jeans pocket and walk out the bar facing the empty streets, where you are the perfect target for someone trying to score some cash to feed their meth habits.

Your parents call occasionally to make sure you are doing alright because they never see you anymore, and they frequently ask when you are “going to put your degree to use and get a real job”. Guests frequently ask the same questions and leave business cards for you find them the next day so they can help you find a job at their company.

Professional bartenders actually live lives more like vampires than Fabio. The freaking bank is never open along with other stores, so you can’t get anything done that normal people accomplish on a daily basis. You have to fight the stockers at your local supermarket to get groceries. And, the only friends and family members you can talk to are the ones who are awake well past the last airing of Sportscenter, leaving crazy Uncle Joe and the people you just spent an eight hour shift with. Who, by the way, generally have an expectation for you to fill this lonely post shift existence by going out after the shift to a bar open later than yours or going over to someone’s house. If you choose to opt out of this unhealthy daily routine, your co-workers want to know what is wrong.

See, if you’re a bartender, you have to get used to everyone being concerned about you. Either, it is Mom worried about what you’re doing with your life, the barback wondering why you didn’t go out that night, or the guest who is trying to get a recruiting bonus at work. When, in all actuality, you’re doing just fine. You didn’t want to go to the city bar that offers and industry discount because you just had to do some freaking laundry.

Alright, there, I feel much better now.

For the record, I love my job. I keep doing it because I love talking to good people and making them drinks. So few people get to do something they enjoy for their career, and if I’m going to spend a quarter of my life working, I am going to have fun everyday. And, generally, I do. I’ve been doing this long enough now so I don’t have to put up with the frat boy or coke head who want their drinks quick and stiff anymore. I have some of the best regulars any bartender could ask for, and I get to work at a place where my owners and guests appreciate what I do. But every once in a while, I get that person who comes in and tries to treat me like a charity case. Save your time; help the homeless guy down the street.

“Cocktail Condoms” and the Bartending STD’s

I usually don’t discuss mainstream news coverage on bars and cocktails, but I just couldn’t resist this and have been wanting to talk devote some time to educating my readers about the threats of Bartender STD’s. Apparently, a guy in Boston has created a laytex-type layer to cover your drink. People who use what is being called the “cocktail condom” can seemingly leave their drink unattended and return to the drink later; if the latex layer has been punctured, then it is obvious that the cocktail has been tampered with an shouldn’t be consumed. The condoms can tolerate being punctured by a straw while still retaining its form and keeping date rape drugs out. The inventor wants cities to pass ordinances requiring the condom and argues that beer and liquor companies could even advertise on them, cutting any costs for the bars.

Americans using condoms?

Our nation’s failure to utilize the condom effectively currently is certain to doom the prospects of this invention from the start, but other issues show that this concept is extremely flawed. Some critics are dead on when suggesting that this effectively turns my cocktail into a kiddie cup. Why don’t I just bring in a freaking thermos and a fruit rollup? I can’t imagine my Martini with a lid on it, though one wonders whether it would help keep the drink cold. Either way, I’m not drinking my Martini out of a straw. And, I know that to appreciate the complexity of a Miller Lite I need to sip it through a thin, elongated cylinder of plastic – that its what the guys at the World Beer Cup, did when they gave Miller Lite those four banners I see on television ads everday did right? Either way, I just don’t feel comfortable with the straw (or the beer).

We don’t need condoms for our drinks, only our beds! Be careful with your drinks and stay away from bars where there are too many people to keep up with. Doing this will not only prevent you from being a victim, it will also help you to find better bars and superior drinks. Further, these cocktails condom may keep the drugs away, but the STD’s of bartending (Sweet, Terrible, Drinks) will still get through. Here are few known cases –

“Cocktail Warts” – These wartlike projections found rimming cocktail glasses are usually caused by drink rimmers which have not been washed in months. Salty clumps form from the ongoing combination of salt and Roses lime juice, which find their way onto your glass. Instead of providing a cocktail garnish, these cocktail warts carry mold and an ungodly unnatural combination of salt and sugar.

“Gonorrhea” – Pronounced “goner-er-ria”, this bartending plague known as shots is “gone” in a matter of seconds, but it will likely reappear over the next few hours. Symptoms include excessive vomiting and strong headaches.

“PUBic Lice” – This parasite of pubs everywhere results from excessive fruit flies, or crabs which love the taste of alcohol as much as we do. They find their ways into bottles and flow into your drink. Frequently, unnoticed, they are harmful but when found symptoms of disgust and selective protein consumtionitis result.

“The Clap” – For whatever reason, bartenders across the world seem to think that consumers love their hands all over their ice and glass rims. I know I enjoy my Old Fashioneds with muddle fingernail grit, but that should be optional. Instead, numerous diseases are transferred by the clap in an effort to pack glasses with ice. This disease is the most prevalent and dangerous of all bartender STD’s.

If you want to avoid the Bartender STD’s, you don’t need a cocktail condom; you just need a good knowledge of quality bartending practices. Keep reading this blog for more information on how to avoid the terrible consequences of infected bartenders. For additional information, be sure to check out the blogs listed to your right. Specifically, Jeffery Morgenthaler’s blog has some of the best bartender commentary on the net. I’m pretty sure he’s clean, so you can trust him for more information. Failing to find good bars can put you at risk for these drugs and types of situation. Relying on the cocktail condom only puts you at greater risk.

Fundamentally, the biggest problem with the cocktail condom is that it doesn’t even work. This might make me sound like I’ve thought of ways to bypass the condom too much, but it really is kind of obvious. Let’s pretend, I am Mr. Rapist, and I want to drug the girl turning 21 because she has already had too many drinks to let me engage her with conversation, something that otherwise would never happen. She needs to go to the restroom and summons enough courage to put on a cocktail condom in front of me. After acting insulted, I simply order another drink drop the roofie and put on another cocktail condom, that the bar must legally provide (so they all look the same). If anything, the cocktail condom helps my rapist endeavors and lulls my victims into a false sense of security. The girl comes back sees my planted Vodka Red Bull concoction with an intact condom and consumes the drink. Aside from experiencing the horrible consequences of choosing this drink in the first place (check out Darcy’ post on Vodka Red Bull at The Art of Drink), the girl has made a terrible mistake. The cocktail condom fails, and like any condom that fails, pregnancy and disease may result.

While this post has included some humor, rape is a very serious issue that needs social attention and safety proposals, but considering actions like making the cocktail condom mandatory in all bars is not the answer. Universities and bars nationwide need to invest more money into educating students, especially women, about the dangers and prevalence of date rape drugs. If education seems hopeless and you still want bars to carry date rape prevention products, consider a date rape prevention coaster. These coasters allow individuals to place a small drip of their beverage on the coaster. The coaster chemically reacts to substances found in common date rape drugs and changes colors; simple and effective. Coasters or condoms? You take your pick; just watch out for the clap! I can’t shake mine it shows up wherever I go.

Photo & Additional Information Sources:
ABC NEWS & The Pitt News

Svedka: "Make Cocktails, not War!"

The risky decision to combine politics and cocktails has been avoided by any good bartender. We maintain a status of “armed neutrality” in our own alcoholic Switzerland. Tempted to intervene at times and set the record straight, veteran bartenders obstain, recognizing that patrons do not want a margarita garnished with a side of political jackassary. The rim is already salty enough!

The only exception is when a guest articulates a view so ridiculous that it must be corrected to maintain the sanctity of the bar. The political “expert” is usually drunk and unaware of his annoying behavior. The bartender enters into a specific social contract when intervening in the political conversation. We sacrifice our tip to win the political battle. The nature of this relationship demonstrates why bartenders usually maintain their neutral status. Engaging the enemy is bad for business.

Nevetheless, mixing cocktails and politics must, at times, occur, resulting in a taste more bitter than Campari. Svedka vodka appears to be engaging its own drunken counterpart: George W.Bush. However, instead of uttering a snide comment, the company offers a cocktail. The strategy is intriguing. Quelling a political rival with additional cocktails may incapacitate an individual’s political ramblings, but can cocktails stop war? We must remember the past experiences of our Commander in Chief; the President is no lightweight. This is going to take a large amount of vodka!

Perhaps, Svedka is suggesting a new battlefront tactic – provide cocktails to the insurgency. Instead of firing back, offer a Cosmopolitan. This would require some additional training however, as most drafted bartenders would simply make a glass of cranberry jucie with a touch triple sec, vodka, and Rose’s lime. Sadly, this has the potential to escalate the conflict. It is also important to remember the religious practices of the insurgency as well. This approach might have worked with the Germans, but this is a new age.

We can also safely assume that Svedka would like to use its own product in its cocktail military proposal; after all, defense contracts can be very profitable. Some rumors are already circulating about a new cocktail called the Halliburton. Minimally, Svedka would need to provide a product that could be mixed in a variety of forms to please varying tastes. Svedka vodka is nothing special. It mixes well like most vodkas. It’s not great or offensive; the Svedka cocktail might help resolve the conflict. God help us though if they use their flavored vodkas. The use of Svedka raspberry is likely to inspire any remaining Iraqi support to quickly shift sides. With such risks, the Svedka cocktail military plan looks too dangerous. But, hey, at least it was a plan – go figure!

I guess all hope for winning the war rests on Svedkas backup weapon – the seemingly friendly Svedka_grl. She may seem nice, but not only is she distracting in weird, mechanic way, the “_grl” packs quite a punch! It will be like iRobot all over again. Wait, does this imply Svedka’s image is a rip-off of another bad Will Smith movie? Sarcasm here? Never! While releasing an army of Svedka_grls is tempting and probably would be more effective than current approaches, the basic issue is not the war – it’s that a man named George W. Bush decided to stop drinking so he could become the President. A few more cocktails could have changed the course of history - remember that when you’re making your own!

Svedka might be on some weird path to peace, but what do I know? I’m just the bartender; I have no opinions on politics.